Quick succession

Trying to achieve a successful succession story can be difficult for the younger generation who may feel they have no control over the decisions being made.

In Wellness

I’m no farm consultant. But one of the most common issues that I deal with in my job is the distress caused by farm succession. Strangely enough, it’s only ever the younger generation that is seeking help from me for the distress, confusion, and feelings of experiencing a loss of control that farm succession can cause.

This could be explained by generational differences – my sense is that it is mostly caused by the previous generation being reluctant to cede control – this has been their life for so long, and fully letting go now would mean a void is left, causing loss of purpose, grief, and fear of the unknown.

This is entirely valid – land that one may have worked their entire life on, and that has potentially cycled through multiple family generations becomes ‘who they are’, concreted within their identity, and it can be a challenge for that person to see where they as a person end, and where the land begins. How unsettling it must be to have to trust members of their family to take the reins on something that has been their livelihood, their purpose, their reason to get up in the morning. Even when the going gets tough, finding empathy for this situation will be helpful for both sides.

When problems occur, it seems to be less about the actual issues, and more about how they are communicated. Family members deserve to be treated with respect. Even when emotions are high. Even when there is a lot at stake.

“Good communication that is respectful, considerate and frequent will help to mitigate conflict, but understand that with differing opinions comes disagreement – it’s how you deal with them that counts.” – Kathryn Wright, Registered Counsellor

For the older generation: this is really hard! You will have to show an extraordinary amount of trust and faith. Remember that this younger generation are going to be the guardians of this land for a long time. They must be allowed to stamp their mark.

Using respectful guidance, remember that communication is key. You may feel grief for the life you lived on this land, and this is normal. Over time, you will shift your focus onto new ventures, but it will take time.

Something that I have seen to be helpful with people in this kind of transition is to find some kind of activity – work or leisure – that encapsulates some of the factors of farming that you have enjoyed.

This might be dog trialling, running a handful of sheep on a lifestyle block, or volunteering for an organisation that is involved in farming such as Rural Support Trust or Rural Women New Zealand.

For the younger generation this is also really hard! You will have to exercise your assertiveness bone. What is in and what is out of your control here? Can you bring up concerns in a respectful way? You are going to be the ones responsible for this land, and you deserve to be heard. Work out what the important conversations and messages are that you would like the previous generation to hear, write them down if necessary, and practise them with your partner or even into your phone voice recorder so that you can get the message across in a way that feels right for you. Remind yourself why you wanted to farm when things get really tough – it’s easy to lose sight of the big picture when you are in the midst of family conflict. Also remember that you do not have to put up with abuse and control – you always have other options if that’s happening to you.

I don’t have the answers to solve this problem. Know that this is a difficult subject, and others are struggling with this too. There is a lot more at stake than just land and money – there is the added factor of farms often being a lifestyle, a purpose, a place where children were born and families were raised. Good communication that is respectful, considerate and frequent will help to mitigate conflict, but understand that with differing opinions comes disagreement – it’s how you deal with them that counts.

This difficult time won’t last forever. Trying to get through succession and keeping your family relationships intact will be a great goal here and one that you will feel good about making the effort for.